The
question often posed is whether you are going to seminary or
cemetery.
Seems
a tad morbid, doesn't it? Yet the question remains. Are you attending
seminary or cemetery? When I first heard this question asked (or
often just simply stated as a warning) I laughed it off and simply
ignored it, not understanding. But now being enrolled in a theology
school, I understand exactly where those critics who said such things
were coming from. Let me explain...
When
I first came to school, the excitement and joy were bubbling over
inside me! Think about it... I'm taking classes in the BIBLE!!!!! How
cool is that?! I get to study my favorite subject all day for 4
months. I couldn't wait to sit down and do homework, I was raring to
go classes, I was up early and spending time with Jesus.
Then
things got a little crazy... I started getting overwhelmed with
homework, my classes seem to drag on, and I can't seem to get enough
sleep anymore. Somedays I even wonder if I will get to eat because
I'm so busy between school work and my service in the community (it's
considered a class you must take, for those of you who don't know why
I can't cut that off my schedule). Just at the beginning of the week,
I was so excited to get to my serving opportunity Then it turned
into just another thing I had to do on my list. That's it. Not as a
great opportunity to show God's love, but rather just another chore
that I had to get through quickly because I “don't have time for
this” and I need to get homework done.
Wow.
That's all I can say. Wow.
I
can say with conviction that I know exactly where those critics came
from in saying “don't go to cemetery”. It's so easy to get
caught up in the WORK, that you forget who you're doing the
work for! I had forgotten why I was here, what the purpose was for me
to be studying the Bible. It's not because it's the “Christian
thing to do” to go to Bible college.... it's because it's something
I love to do, study God's
Word. I love it! But sadly, as of late, my joy has been gone. The
joy of homework was replaced with complaining about how “I'll never
get this all done in time”, the excitement for classes has been
replaced with counting down the minutes on the clock til it's over,
and the “Mary-time” with Jesus has been thrown out the window
with more sleep taking it's place. What a sad, sad thing to admit.
Yet, it's true.
I
don't want this post to sound like Bible College is just going to zap
your joy. Because that is FAR (hear me... FAR)
from the truth! But what I do want this post to be about is honesty,
and honestly I have allowed my joy to be zapped because I forgot how
FUN it is to just study God's Word, and to spend time with Jesus!!!
It's so stinkin fun, I can't stress it enough. I just forgot that in
the past week, and all these things turned back into rituals, into
excuses to gripe and complain. That's so wrong of me. It's the wrong
perspective. Seminary is just that. Seminary. “Cemetery” is for
those who did what I did, which was forget the
real
reason I'm here. I'm here to serve God, to serve people, and to grow
closer to my Creator. I'm not here to complain, gripe, and serve
myself. I let myself fall into those thoughts and the result was a
stressed out me, who didn't have enough time in the day to study
God's Word, who didn't have enough time in the day to sit at God's
feet in the classes, who didn't have enough time to do community
service. Anybody else the problem with that picture?? Please tell me
you see how hypocritical that is?
I
understand why people said to me “Don't go! It goes from Seminary
to Cemetery!”.
I
also now understand what type of people they had to be to experience
that.. they had to be like me, the person who turns a relationship
into a religion, the person who let's the little things turn into
opportunities to complain versus opportunities to exalt my Father.
Seminary
doesn't have to be Cemetery, and I now realize how wrong I was in my
thinking lately! The Joy of the Lord is MY strength, and from now, on
I'm going to draw from His well of joy instead of drawing on myself
for weak little strength.
I
praise the Lord that He took me to the woodshed and said “What in
the world do you think you're doing Daughter? I have blessed you in
allowing you to devote to my Bible completely for FOUR MONTHS
STRAIGHT, and you have the guts to complain that things aren't going
your way? You feel dry Daughter? You feel stressed Daughter? You feel
angry, you feel sad, you feel spent Daughter? Well, have you even
tried going on a walk with Me to ask Me to help? Or were you going to
let it continue until you are so joyless you're dead?”
Don't
lose the Joy of the Lord, it's one of the best things God gives us. I
realize that now. I realize I can't finish Bible College without Him,
because I have not the strength. I will die. With Him though, I'm
triumphant and I can say to those critical people
“You
went about it the wrong way! You died in Seminary, but not because of
constant Bible studies. You died in Seminary because you forgot the
most important part of Seminary... JESUS.”
God
bless, and blog soon
